Lost but redeemed

I feel lonely... this emptiness inside me. At that very lonely hours, I could hear voices calling out to me "Speak To God". Maybe I had thought to much ? Perhaps I did not understand much of the phrase ''to let go''.

Often did tell my parents to let go of your grudges. However, when I am in their situation, I could not =[ From there, I understood that ''It is easier to give than to take in advice''. It is simpler to be narrow minded than be broad minded.I just did not understand what I have done to deserve this loneliness. I am not renting over this as it is a just temporary condition. It is because I have been keeping so much that my mind is overwhelmed by it. Now, I feel lost and relieved somehow.

I am relieved that I could rely on God. I am lost as I do not know why I had to feel lost. Church ministers on speaking to God when you are a lone. True enough, I discovered that I found tranquility and explanation when I spoke to him in my lonely moments.

This year kicked off with a great depression. Last year, it also began with crestfallen days after a few arguments for separation. I think my life has been impacted with problems =] I am glad that I had problems =] Major or minor it is still a problem =]

Mum told me that everyone faces problems. It is depending on how you perceive out of it. If you take it as a challenge to overcome, you will feel confident. On the contrary, if you take it as a retribution or someone trying to bring you down, likely or not you will be conformed to it. Pondering over it for a moment, it does make sense to me now.

Since today is resurrection day, I shall be resurrected from my sorrows, iniquities, fears and despondences. Praise the Lord. Every time I am feeling down, I always feel like releasing the anguish heart of mine Somehow or rather I felt restrained whenever I start doing so.

Nevertheless, thank God for this =] I am always glad that whenever no one is around me. God is my companion =] He speaks to me far greater than any Man on earth. He removed my inferiority and replaced with Joy. Amazing Grace has taught me much. Amen ! =] In Him, I understood the meaning of ''let go'' =] Praise Him(always).

An awakening !!

Everyone seems to get very steady on the word life to us =] It also astounds me far much greater than you do =] Sometimes, or rather many times, I thought it would be always according to what I have expected it to be =] However, vice versa happened....

I not sure if I have doubted it that it will not happen but I was rather assured that it would be =] I guessed I probability had done that =] Never mind about that =] I quoted a verse from the Bible that says ''To those who believe and hope that all things will turn out good and shall not doubt, will received it''. It is just a slight paraphrasing =] I hope the meaning has not been contradicted =] Hahas Anyways, I really do believed that it will come in my way through Jesus Finished work on the cross =] Things always get much tougher than it was previously =] It did not matter whether you are sick, under the state of poverty, beyond richness or whatever your states are, it will never change in the way =]

I believe that all these circumstances and setbacks are already well-prepared and put out to set you out =] Only then I can see the truth of myself =] What I am really are =] For my Pastor said Truth shall set you free in Jesus Christ =] I believed that =] I am Glad that it is all over =] I have seen the truth of myself after that traumatic experience I had =] It was the lowest spirit of my entire life =] I never felt that way before =] Come to think of that, I am not the only one =] There are worsen condition out in this society =] There real Man living in a state of destitute. Under that amount of pressure and restraint, I doubt mine could ever compare to them =]

I really dislike the idea of comparing with one another however, certain things needed to be contrasted to see what you really are facing is tedious or not =] Maybe, I should not be too demanding and self-centered =[ Frankly speaking, I felt that I am very selfish and constantly expressing my reproves against all my friends action but not mine =[ I feel real guilty and depress at the same time... Some times I wish I had not said anything =]

I cannot hide from facts or what they called ''Reality'' =] If things gets odd, Change it =] That is about my mentality =] Changing what you can and cannot is a paramount. You know what Pastor preached three sundays ago I think, he spoke in an affirm tone ''Nobody can make you feel anything unless you heard or seen it''. Hence, it is rather important not to point the against another when you are feeling down... It is never their fault and always mine =] My thoughts are too narrow-minded =] Nevertheless, I started reading 100 days of Favor =] It really hits me of what Jesus is to me =]

First chapter, he written, I can walk above all problems when I look to Jesus alone =] Is not that wonderful ! I had someone in with me whatever I am doing =] I have the support and it is from Jesus ! =] Amen ! Third chapter really touches me right to my core, it says, If it matters to me, it matters to him more ! I never felt that any will understand what I am facing =] There I have Jesus guiding me wherever I go because I am seen righteous in God's eyes through Jesus finish work on the cross =] From time to time, I will be conformed to be like his image =] From Glory to Glory =]

If have not for Him, I will not be here =] Jesus is the way, the truth, the light in our deepest trials =] Amen =]

Signing off

Gerwin

Welcome 2011 !

It is interesting that I have returned to blog today =] This year 2011 =] A new year, hope, love, theme and aspiration =] Hmm... Let's not get too bored for the first post of the year =] Maybe talk about our new principal in my school =] I will not write anything nasty about her hahas =] Come on, I am not that type of back-firing person =] I will confront that person if I have anything disapproval or dissatisfaction =] Alright, here goes =]

Humanly speaking, I was both enthusiastic and tired at the same time when I woke up this morning =] It was quite terrible as I was packing all my worksheets since Secondary two till now =] Well, I know it is my fault, my business or problem that I did not organise my worksheets and stuff =] Well, I confessed it was my laziness however, I shall not let it happen Again ._. I wanted to say Amen but I don't want to sound too religious here hahas =] Okay Fine ! Praise the Lord =] Sounds rather soothing =] I really acknowledged Jesus as my savior ever since I have known him since last year, I mean His grace and love for just pour out in limitless supply =] It is just speaking forth my Words of thanksgiving to my God that He who has no sin became sinned and we became the Righteousness of God =] Oh boy ! Here I go again =] Going off topic =] Where were we ?

Uh-huh =] I thought it would be a wonderful day ahead =] It did and Praise the God that this new principal was not that bad =] At least she shares her life experiences in various schools even overseas' =] I was dozing off but I think she has motivated me quite a lot =] Hence, I would glue my eyeballs on her and listen attentively... Unlike YOU KNOW WHO ! =] hahas I shall not mention names here =] I don't want to sound like I am casting aspersion on people when they have not =] I mean it is God's grace hahas =] Before that... Woho ! Hallelujah =] Apart from that, I think I had grown much and mature much each year =] I had better be !!

Last year was fun and thrilling but lots of down cast for me =[ It is the most traumatic life ever ._. I shan't tell you =] Anyway, it hurts to say or recall =] It was those days that I went insane and desperate that I just could not think much but just to go blank =[ Well, I admit that I sobbed terribly ._. Let me tell you how I felt alright, it felt like someone stab me right on my heart and twist it ! Thank God I did not suffer from emotion break down =[ Or else I will not be here =] What I am trying to emphasise is that this entire world is Cynical (Including me) but it can be changed =] Your methods I don't know ! My way is to Look to Jesus and said ''You have bore this 2000 years ago, therefore it is finished''. Looking to him not only gave me relief but also peace in my heart and soul =] After all, everything pours back to your heart =] Like my Pastor said ''It is okay to be a bad child with a Good heart but it is not when you have a bad heart but physically you look harmless and cool''. It is like saying a calm exterior but hiding your usual belligerence/nature =] It is far true as many people around the world are emphasising it over and over again =] Your heart is your temperaments that is in you =] Like Tim Lahaye said :''There is no other influence in your life that is more powerful than your temperament or combination or temperaments. It is essential to know your temperaments, not to condemn others, but so you can maximize your potential and enable others to maximize theirs''. It took me quite a while to understand this however, when it finally did =] I realised that what I have done was rather selfish and self-centered... =] Not too late to learn =] Moving on...

Actually life is not so much of painstaking one... It is whether you want it or not =] If you treat every problem in your life as a challenge not by judging as a problem, I doubt it will be a disappointment to you after going through it =] People fail because they did not believe that it is impossible to resolve... Like I mentioned earlier that the World is Cynical however, in order to be different from the World, we have to isolate ourselves from others and remain calm on our own for certain times =] Retrospecting, I think life is far much greater without anyone who is causing or giving agonies to your life... Having to said that, being a lone is not a bad thing either =] alone not lonely =] Alone is temporary but loneliness perpetuals in your life ... Therefore, revisit, reconsider what you wish for and say =] Time will be the ultimate judger =] For me I refuse to judge my circumstances against Jesus who bore the cross.... It is insulting to Him who have taken all our sins and punishments so that God will not be angry with us Every Again =]

I am amazed by the word ''Love'' =] It fascinates me whenever anything is under the theme of Love =] It reminds me of many memorable things =] Most importantly, Jesus everlasting Love for me =] He never fails me =] Amen ! =]

I am going to close here =] Remember, Right Believing leads to Right living =]

Signing off
Gerwin